Naughty or Nice List!

Have you been naughty or nice this year? The below will help you gauge whether you’ll get beautifully wrapped presents from your wish-list or dried fruit cake and flat tires.

Nice: play well with others
Naughty: play with yourself

Nice: give a kidney to a sibling.
Naughty: get your sibling passed out drunk, put them in a bathtub filled with ice, and smear some ketchup on the side of their stomach.

Nice: make vanilla pudding, sprinkle with chocolate, and give it to a friend.
Naughty: fill a mason jar with mayonnaise, sprinkle with chocolate, and give it to a friend.

Nice: give your lover a chauffeur for a day.
Naughty: hire a private investigator to follow your lover.

Nice: throw a birthday party for your lover.
Naughty: invite your lover’s friends over for a party, and when they arrive, hand them each a paintbrush.

Nice: bring someone to the aquarium.
Naughty: bring someone to the aquarium while carrying a fishing pole.

Nice: buy someone a computer.
Naughty: change all the passwords on someone’s computer.

Nice: offer a toilet paper roll to the person in the next stall that doesn’t have any
Naughty: smear a Snicker’s bar all over your hand, stick it under the stall, and ask if they have any toilet paper

Nice: write YOLO on social media to inspire people.
Naughty: write “you open legs often” whenever someone uses YOLO on social media

Nice: buy someone house slippers
Naughty: cut out a square on the top of two loaves of bread, pull out the inside bread, and give the gift of loafers to someone

Nice: give your lover an electronic device from their wish list.
Naughty: give your lover batteries with a note that says, “gift not included”

Nice: jog with a friend
Naughty: jog behind strangers and start singing, “I like big butts and I cannot lie”

Nice: help someone who needs assistance into the elevator
Naughty: draw a chalk outline on the floor of an elevator, and put up yellow crime tape across the inside

Nice: count your blessings
Naughty: count the number of times you had sex

Nice: text your friends with inspirational quotes
Naughty: send random text to strangers saying, “I got rid of the body…now what?”

Nice: bring over a baby outfit for a friend’s newborn baby
Naughty: buy a onesie, tape a condom to it, and give it to a stranger that has a screaming child

Nice: give one of your vacation days to a co-worker who could use it
Naughty: call in sick for different people in your office

For those on the nice list, may 2018 bring you many adventures and successes. For those on the naughty list, may 2018 bring you common sense and a conscience. 😀

Since I will be in the states for the holiday festivities, I wish you and your families a safe and wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Bulging midriffs and New Year Resolutions,
Baer Necessities