F***et List

We hear people talk about their bucket list, but what about their fucket list. I’m sure we all have this type of list as we attempt tasks and fail. Fucket always seems to slip out when the best laid plans or intentions melt over time or immediately. Like when we try to please someone and they don’t or can’t notice the effort. Or those goals we make at the beginning of the year that we abandon by the end. I have a few things that would go on my Fucket list. Of course, I’m using the pronoun “we” because… well, my husband and I do everything together. Plus, he gave me a few to add to the list.

1. Bike ride: Watching what we eat and drink, and on our bikes, pass by a few places to relax. Fucket. We’re hot, sweaty, and thirsty as hell. A beer is definitely what we need.

2. Swimming: Go to the local swimming pool only to find out I forgot the bottoms to my swimsuit. Fucket. I wanted ice cream anyways.

3. Scotland: Heading home in a snowstorm and the airport closes. Fucket. Rent a car, drive 450 miles to a London airport, and arrive at the gate just in time to hear the announcement that they canceled that flight too. Fucket. Miss two days of work.


4. Clogged Toilet: Husband disappears into a washroom in an Irish pub in Bologna. He comes out, grabs my arm, and pulls me out the door to avoid the flood. Fucket. Toilets get clogged all the time.

5. Drive: Drive 250 miles to visit Zurich, Switzerland. Instant dislike. Fucket. Drive another 200 miles through the Swiss Alps. Nothing like a leisurely drive.

6. Walk: Go to hike around the Cinque Terra, Italy. Due to mudslides, all paths are closed. Fucket. Train rides are so much more relaxing than climbing mountain paths.

7. Waterfalls: Enjoy a lovely hike down the Feldberg in Germany and come across a waterfall. Decide to cross the stream by stepping on the rocks so my husband can take an awesome picture. Foot slips on a rock and down I go, soaked from head to foot. Fucket. I was hot anyways.

8. Chinese: Try a nice Chinese buffet. Start with the salad bar, and within 5 minutes, spend the rest of the time in the washroom. Body tries to purge the food poisoning—diarrhea. Fucket. It was about time for me to get a colon cleansing.

9. Car: Car doesn’t pass the mandatory safety test. All Christmas money goes into repairs. Fucket. Who needs Christmas presents? Our love is gift enough.

10. Vacation: Stay at in-laws in Spain for summer vacation. Doesn’t go as well as planned. Leave early and spend all of my birthday driving in the car. Fucket. We got to see the real Lake Geneva, and I ate a pizza on some public building’s steps in the town of Colmar, France.

Do you care to share your fucket list?

Lists and Life,
Baer Necessities